Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
