They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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