Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
