god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize