yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The Olympian is in my bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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