If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
