I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
