Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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