whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
