yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
