Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We have so much sex to catch up on
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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