Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
