Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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