I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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