it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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