Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
