Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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