I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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