Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
