I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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