oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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