when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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