Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
