Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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