Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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