it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
