she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
