Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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