..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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