I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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