I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
