it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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