I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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