My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he thought i was a dude.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
