am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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