He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
