I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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