you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have already put on my inside pants.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
