Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
