then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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