I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
