oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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