They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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