I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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