I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
