so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize