I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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