U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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