Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
