y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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