After last night, I could never be a politician.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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