dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone came in the potted fern
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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