forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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