ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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