Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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