So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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