Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
