I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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