If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
