I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
