I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
