I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
