If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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