Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
