I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
