actually, I'm a sock model
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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