Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
