You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
