Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
