Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
