we're blogging at a bar
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
