If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
