she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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