he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
