So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
