So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
