I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
