ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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