dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
