guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
