either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i may or may not be watching the land before time
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
